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what more could i ask for?

You've been so good too me. so good. I can tell at times you can't help but wonder if its gonna stay this way... for i do the same thing. Every couple/relationship has those moments where u wonder. Im here to try to let go of that wonder. If we are fine then why worry? Its human nature. Our minds can help but wander off sometimes. I remember i didn't tell you but when the new year started i told myself i'd be less paranoid and worried about you and doing something that might hurt me. I feel like i've did good too. Cuz the more i get to know you the more i love you the farther i fall and the tighter my grip gets and i just refuse to let go of you. i think you are starting to see that i can maybe be a handful at times... Blowing ya up with feelings and such and just wanting to talk if i think something is off. Thats just me tho. If something bothers me or i suspect you may be aggravated i'll ask you. I mean... it'd be silly for me not too. And i expect no less from you... if you think somethings up with me by all means ask. and you have and its fine by me.

I feel that im here kinda venting a bit about a recent something/happening. We are back on the same page tho i feel. You mentioned you felt kinda not yourself. I feel that was because of me talkin so much or wanting to about what happened. Im not the type to just bottle up things and hope time passes by and fixes them. Im a man. Im assertive and i can't help that. I just hope it doesn't turn you off of me. I just hope that our lil bumps in our road thus far ... i hope you think i've handled them well. I know when they do happen i tend to talk a lot but thats just me being assertive with what evers up. its not healthy to let things stew or blow over or ignore them.

Soo.. with all said... wat more could i ask for really? You've been wonderful to me. everytime i see you.. you light up and if u had a tail you'd be wagging it i bet. I love that feeling. The feeling that someone wants you in their life and loves you and wants nothing but happiness for one another.
So again... what more could i ask for? Nothing. I've already told you what i expect and want out of a good relationship. I could go on with a list but im not. Its simple. Mutual respect. All that means is you treat me how you would want me to treat you. Nothing more nothing less. and if it doesn't make sense all you gotta do is ask yourself " would i want him to do that to me" or reverse the roles kinda thing.

I think if anyone was in a weird mood it may have been me. Only cuz i didn't know what to say or how to act cuz i didn't want you thinking i was guilt tripping you. But as i said to above i had to assert that and bring us back to our cozy lil bed of love we lay in and get lost in each others presence. Im so glad you walked into my life and id like you to sta. I hope you still love me and like me as much <3 this is me. Im not here to fool you or play you. I said I LOVE you and i meant it. Im here to stay for as long as you will let me stay. Love is a hell of a drug baby and you have what i want . as your lil song goes... you've got it you've got it please tell me I'm the one.

Cake :) ... mow

Never sure what to say.. so here goes..

I know im trying to do my best. Its hard to determine whats best tho when in the past my "best" has just let whomever ive been with down. I also try to keep my beans chilled. Its very unlike me... ask anyone who knows me. All i've ever wanted was to have someone to want to be with me and be mine and not change me. And tolerate me and my questions and insecurities. Im not perfect. I do not claim to be. Being older now im more quick to say what i think or ask if i want to know. I know kinda lately I've been like on edge or something. Please understand i love you now. and even still im getting to know you more and more everyday. Im trying to stay calm. God damn it tho people have just walked all over me before tho. No no... not ur fault or problem. I wanna say tho its partial blame for some of my actions tho.

Aside from all my paranoia im really content. Happy with you. i really wish i had my own place so i could steal you away. For some strange reason i kinda almost know you'd love it. Other excitements are im bringing in the new year with you! And im gonna shape up. I wanna be like... crazy appealing to you. i know have no tat's or piercings but that stuff doesn't make up a guy. i know u don't care that i don't. I just want to look half way decent and be at a good weight too. then i'll feel good about myself again. I've gained to much back and i dislike it. haha I wanna be that guy that... when other guys see you out with me... they won't even think of trying to steal you away or whatever cuz i'd whoop they ass's lol.

We've established to many cute or memorable things ! You love tickling me even tho u get punched( not intentionally) in the face sometimes. And we always most of the time snuggle like there is no tomorrow. oh and our lovin's just get better with time <3 its like we get lost in each other. The moments of staring at each other only for u to wind up giggling some ! :) oh and those lil cheek kisses we exchange ^_^ You give me those looks too. I ask for u to tell me what ya thinking and u never do but i bet i could guess. And even sometimes i don't need words. I can read you. I have a good feeling about this. About us. We've came so far outta the mist and mess of things. I love it. Its like i gotta have my daily dose of you now.

drama drama dramaaaaa and love

I swear the more people doubt me. The more it drives me. Somethings gonna give eventually and i refuse to just let you go because others are all immature and butthurt. I did not expect you . I didn't expect this. I didn't ask for this. You didn't ask for this. I am and have always been one to just let things happen. If someone comes into my life and they want to be apart of mine and make that apparent and there. Then if i like that person. why yes... yes of course im goin to go for it. And here i am now. With you. Snuggles. Hugs. Kisses. Cuddles. Love <3 oh my... its like eating to much candy at first but god i can't seem to get enough of you. Even tho im not in your presence right now... i still feel you. I know your there and i know that your thinking of me. Even more so if you haven't forgotten i have this lil journal dooo didddie didddllleee!

Forgot to mention

I've been on a diet i guess you could say? I've went from 215 down to 195!!!! im super excited and dunno where this drive came from to do so!But! Im doin it and honestly i can already tell im more full of energy. And I don't get wore out as easy. I mean honestly sure eating what i want is awesome but i shouldn't over consume till im stuffed. I don't wanna be older and overweight either. I think I'd feel better and thank myself in my older age if i was fit and in shape and not over weight. Im not huge but still I'd like to be where i should ! so yea didn't wanna for get that !

Its been goin on since before thanksgiving. I've just been watching what i eat and how much of it that i eat. And I try to make my last meal before 8pm. And its been working! and Honestly i feel better when i've ate less cuz i read that ur body doesn't tell u your full until ur stuffed almost. Plus i went anti soda a long time ago and i drink a lot of water now. And i try to drink a lot of water with whatever i eat so i'll get the full effect too lol
So shit yea

well then

May I just say Im not stupid. I know when someone is playing a game with me. Also,I can tell when someone has told another person something when they were directed to tell NO FUCKING ONE...
They don't get it. If 100% knew they would understand. So now being the non-angry person I am I'll have to passively let this go so I don't fuck everything with everyone up.


Fuck you pal im still around ok? haha i almost forgot about this journal shit. Well lets see...24 now. No drinking binge goin on as in my last post. Good summer tho! Good friends. Love jillian an megan! lol They's the shit. But who are you ? where'd you go? Why'd you do that? Why did it end up like this. I'll never know. Just know it'll be one in a million if i find another remotely close to the sweet you that i once met. so i dont count on it. Still no Gf since so whatthefuckever. Don't care anymore. Im doing well thank you.. Had another girl threaten to cut her self to me. I wasn't even dating her. She just blew me off an i made a status about it n she threatened to cut. I should have said get the biggest Knife you got. I hate that shit. So selffish so immature. SO NOTHING. If you think ur big an badass gonna kill or cut ur self DO IT. No body has time for that shit. I remember thinking whats the point if ur life sucks an u wanna kill urself later... i was thinking why am i with you?? whats the point. Shoulda been done a long time ago.
Nutzo Man

Well here I am..

3 week drinking binge an drinking at the moment. Its life got good then just me on the inside.. or least a part of me just doesn't think Im right. About what who knows? haha thats the mystery. Things are well with the band an stuff. Not being able to practice like normal is kinda getting to my playing an practice. The thing that worries me tho is this drinking.... Its not normal of me... i usually smoke..So its more less I think i should be worried but I'm not. The outside me is reflecting me to just be how I normally am towards people. The odd thing is that like Im running out of people that I'm really close to. Or people that just click with me. Don't get me wrong I click with most but its like the question is arising like... am i really clicking with them or ... what? The thing about me is most of the time I don't go all awkward on people an talk about sappy sad bullshit or really ...i dunno what you call it. I guess Im just chill an don't have time for all this drama shit or dumb stuff people worry about. And or when someone challenges everything you say an its not like you were arguing from the first time they just turn it into that. Then you have your people that say the don't care. AT ALL. But usually they are the type to piss people off an no one wants to be around them because of that. Sure people have opinions about shit but some just act like they know it all. Or always wanna one up you on what ur saying or talking about. Mehhhhhh And I see these trends in people everywhere. Not everyone is like this. The most annoying are the ones that say they don't do that ( challenge everyone) but yet they do. Sometimes in almost every sentence. Its dumb. Everyone has there thing. You know that one thing passion that your gonna know a lil something about. Sadly tho some think that its everything when yet ... i don't think most like a good 95% of the population doesn't get how small... how very very very small an even small we are. So to me because of that why all the bullshit? All the war? All the cruelty ? Violence? The hurtful words to one another? Its almost like if love really did exist among the human race then we of all species should know how to all be at peace with one another...

We all set and watch our tv's while the leaders. Yes our "Great" leaders designed a master plan to make us behave the way they want. Its pretty much pointless for any hope. Yea...! here we go thats my kick... whats the point right? Ima be me an be safe at the same time. I'd really like to make a call... before everything goes up in smoke. Global disaster is just around the corner!

beer an sadness

So I go like 3 mondays again an grab some beer.... an even tho i'm not drinking right now... its been pretty continuous. Today I went back to old old old old tunes... limp bizkit even tho its gay... he has a song call boiler.

Looks like I'm gonna do everything myself
Maybe I could use some help but hell,
You want something done right, you gotta do it yourself
Maybe life is up and down but my life's been (what?)
Till now I crawled up your butt somehow and that's when things got turned around
I used to be alive
Now I feel pathetic and now I get it
What's done is done you just leave it alone and don't regret it
But sometimes, some things turn into dumb things
And that's when you put your foot down.

Why did I have to go and meet somebody like you? (like you)
Why did you have to go and hurt somebody like me? (like me)
How could you do somebody like that? (like that)
Hope you know that I'm never coming back (never coming back)

Looks like I'm gonna do everything myself (everything myself)
Maybe I could use some help but hell,
If you want something done right, you just do it yourself (got it?)
Maybe life is up and down but my life's been (what?)
Till now (got it) I crawled up your butt somehow (got it)
And that's when shit got turned around (got it)
I used to be alive, I'm so pathetic but now I get it, what's done is done
I know you, just leave it alone and don't regret it
But sometimes some things turn into dumb things
And that's when you put your foot down.

Why did I have to meet somebody like you?
Why did you have to hurt somebody like me?
How could you do somebody like that?
Hope you know that I'm never comin' back

Why did I have to meet somebody like you?
Why did you have to hurt somebody like me?
How could you do somebody like that?
Hope you know that I'm never comin' back

Depending on you is done, giving to you is done
No more eating, no sleeping, no living, it's all just more giving to you and I'm done
Depending on you is done, giving to you is done
No more reaching, no sleeping, no living, it's all just more giving to you and I'm done
The hiding from you is done, the lying from you is done
No more eating, no more sleeping, no living, it's all just more giving to you and I'm done

Why did I have to meet somebody like you?
Why did you have to hurt somebody like me?
How could you do somebody like that?
I hope you know that I'm never coming back

Why did I have to meet somebody like you?
Why did you have to hurt somebody like me?
How could you do somebody like that?
I hope you know that I'm never coming back
Why? Why? Why?

Rotting Obscene

Im so glad they played with us at the Tattoo shop in hinton! John Fralick is THE MAN! Dude can shred a guitar like no other! I'm glad i chill with that guy now. I always knew when i saw him across the street that he was a chillax dude. And guess what? :) he is haha an fuck you for telling me i couldn't talk to him or act like we was friends. Well we are friends now an its awesome. Anyway...

Ladies an Gentlemen..... ROTTING OBSCENE! this song was dedicated to me from john haha cuz i wouldn't shut up about this song its aweseom

Drumming drumming!